Rachel, how do I beg off invitations?

Dear Rachel,
I work at a wonderful agency, and my job is ideal for me at this time in my career, but I find myself being roped into a lot of social events outside of work that I would prefer not to attend. It’s a young crowd here, and as much as I like working with them, I really believe strongly in keeping my work and social lives apart. How do I do this without offending anyone? How do you turn down invitations gracefully? I don’t want this to hurt my career. Sign me No Cold Fish in Maine

Dear No Cold Fish,
Your quick answer upon being asked to a social event outside of work is to explain very politely that you would love to come but you have a prior engagement.

If you say that often enough, people will get the point, and the number of invitations will drop off.

Yes, you are telling a lie when you say you are busy, but it is a white lie intended to not hurt someone’s feelings, so it’s perfectly okay.

As for your career concerns, so many people in your situation worry that if they aren’t socially active with co-workers they’ll be branded as losers, and that’s simply not the case.

Work is not college, though for many young people it seems so much like college.

So many want to be popular and well-liked, thinking that’s what it takes to get ahead.

But the fact is you can be well-liked by your bosses and be passed over for every promotion from now until the end of time.

While it’s important to be liked — everyone wants to be liked — success in media is much more about learning your job and being a team player and showing leadership skills.

Those are the qualities that win promotions.

Imagine there’s a meeting about a sensitive project and the talk is about whom to give it to. People around the table begin tossing out names.

Will your name be among them?

Personally, I side with you in wanting to keep work and social lives separate.

So many companies these days talk about themselves as families, but the fact is businesses are not families.

That becomes very apparent when hard times come and the so-called family members are told their jobs are gone and they are tossed out onto the street with nothing.

Treating a workplace as a family is fraught with problems.

Whenever I run across a toxic workplace I invariably find a top executive or several top executives who are overstepping their bounds, attempting to play mommy or daddy at some level, asserting themselves over subordinates in ways they should not.

As important as work may be, your outside life is what gives your life true meaning. Your friends and family, your life in your community, are the things that will sustain you through a succession of jobs and maybe even careers.

They need to be cherished and protected.

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